Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Hirelings and Loot, Everyone Loves Random Tables

Ehh it's been awhile, i moved to philadelphia, i got some new jobs, but i also got some things coming up, promise.

1d4 Strange Hirelings
These fellows are all non-combatants, you pay them a flat fee, if they were to fight, they would want a share of the treasure.

1. Jerry "Packem Good" and his donkey, Stealin’ Dan.
 Teamster. Packs stuff really well, comes with one donkey supplies  Helps carry stuff, and does so much more efficiently. The exact benefits of this are up to you, but the guy is really, really good at his job. Can manage also a convoy of lifters.
Cost: 1 Silver a week, plus food expenses.

2. Chug the Mutant: Dumb idiot with large brow. Does basic lifting, shoveling, hard work stuff. Very cheap, does better if being managed.  Has two brothers, Thug and Rhug that can also be hired for the same price. (3 Copper a week)

3. Lemmy the Linkgirl: She's a sickly orphan with a bad cough. Lantern/Torch Bearer. Cannot do heavy labor or carry lots of equipment. Probably not contagious, but everyone seems really eager to send her out on an expedition.
 Cost: I dunno, just feed 'er.

4. PUZZLE WIZARD: Suicidal super genius. "Wants to kill himself but we talked him into solving one more puzzle before that."  Will not help in combat, will only solve one issue, puzzle or way around some trap before blowing his fucking brains out. If he is killed in a way that doesn’t involve a swift suicide he promises “I’ll fucking curse the fuck outtaya, and not in a fuckin good way everyone respects!” (He's not joking, come up with the most fucked curse you can think of)
Cost: Wants 300 platinum for his next of kin, a hardworking niece in a distant city..Can feed himself with FOOD MAGIC.

1d6 Loot Table:

1. Dimensional Slide Ring
A ring with an inset numbered slider, the farther you go up, the farther you are removed from this dimension, both you and enemies have a miss chance of up to  75%. The ring turns very slowly. Turning it past 75 gets you sucked into another parallel dimension forever. Turning it past 0 "grounds" you in this world more, probably as dimensional anchor. 

2. A Map to Two Relics of The Past
A an old map lead you to a dusty field deep in the desert. Excavation of this area will lead to the discovery of a strange metal box, with a vampire inside. The box is actually a well preserved  1957 Plymouth Belvedere, if not destroyed immediately, the vampire will demand to know if "gasoline has been invented yet" The mechanics of the car will be worth thousands, but let's be honest, your players are just gonna try to drive it.

3. Scroll of Summon Banana
Actually a scroll of Summon Hungry Gorilla

4. Small Box of Connections
Plastic Brick phone with a few numbers on the back, each a extrademensional advisor on the other end. 1 out of 6 chance of breaking for good after each call. Calling each number is as follows:

  • Mancierge: Old sounding fella, knows good restaurants and spots in any populated area, but he takes a long time flipping through his notes. However once you go, within 1d6+2  weeks it will be filled with aging retirees and no longer cool ever again. 
  • Lawyer: Lawful Evil, but contractually has your back. Perfect for selling your soul or wishes with suspicious genies, "*sigh* sir, just put satan on the phone please." 
  • Crisis Negotiator, excellent negotiator in any situation, but put off if it's not really an emergency. 
  • PUZZLE WIZARD's ghost from the afterlife. See above but he's super mad that he still has to do this shit now that he's dead, but that's the trouble with being the best. Will never solve puzzles at this state, only give one hint per call. 

 5. Letter from yourself
It's real, and it has some useful advice, particularly a warning about something to come. One free reroll that is available for 24 hours after reading.

6. Jet Black Teeth
These teeth have arcane writing all over them, and if a magic user replaces their teeth with them, they get a extra permanent spell slot. These were the teeth of an old, evil, but well known spellcaster, a few people may remember him, and may have mixed reactions to you wearing his teeth.