Monday, July 24, 2017


The flavor dimension is the little subsection of hell where the horrors of gluttony intermingle with the sins of pride and vanity. This is what the Church says, but it may just be demons who like to cook.

It is certainly more about pride than gluttony, at the very least.

It is the art of cooking turned pure obsession, flavor, presentation, service, all taken and perverted by the Things In The Dark. You will never summon a demon from this dimension with just a large and wasteful amount of bland food. You must make art. The human version of foie gras? A start.
The creature who looks back in your summoning pot? You WILL call him chef. And you will learn. You will scour the earth for ingredients, form a sous-cult with those who follow you.
Your cheese will weep tears of maggots. Your drinks will squirm and crawl in the gut.
Your meals will almost always be poisoned, as the guests who have died in the ecstasy of one dinner will become the cooking-stock for the next.
You will get used to the smell of durians.

I've had an idea for a Chef-cultist class, something like a Rogue/Cleric hybrid where they get their version of a sneak attack after using spells and items to "season" the enemy. It goes something like this:

Hit die: d8,
Weapon/Armor Proficiencies as Rogue plus special culinary tools (can add "Seasoning" effect)
Skills as Cleric, replace religious knowledge with culinary knowledge.
Level 1: Fillet: 1d4 damage for each instance of Seasoning applied to the foe. Spells as Cleric level 1.
 Spell "Flavor imbue": a cook a meal with at least an hour prep time, and anyone who eats even a bit of it counts as one instance of Seasoned
Level 2: spells as  Cleric level 2
Level 3: Fillet 1d6 per seasoning stack
Level 4: Spells as Cleric level 3
Level 5: Fillet 1d8, and something else special.

I like that, just need to add extra spells and fluff. Here are some ideas:

Fried Golems:
Made from when the sizzling fat that gets scraped away from the pan and collected. Always cooking and spraying burning juices. Always screaming, if they are given a mouth.
3 HD, 10 STR 12 CON
Sizzle: Whenever the Fried Golem is struck with a blunt weapon, it sprays its juices in a 10ft area around itself, reflex or take 1d6 fire damage. They can activate this ability themselves by spending a turn to wring themselves out.

Crumb Golems
Bread-y scraps of dough, flour, and crust formed together. Stronger and more reliable than the Fried Golems. Vulnerable to pigeons.
Small 3 HD, 1d6 Slam, Large 5 HD, Colossal 10 HD 1d12 Slam
Doughy: immune to piercing weapons. When hit with more than 1/3rd HD of fire damage, burns and inflates to uselessness.

Wicked Meat Injector:
Like this but designed for melee combat
Damage and stats as a rapier,  Strength check to discharge its contents into a struck foe, dealing 1d4 CON damage. If appropriate ingredients are injected, will count as a Seasoning stack. Secondary injections deal no CON damage but allow for more Seasoning stacks, if the injected ingredients are different.
 It may do more damage/have other effects depending on what you fill the injector with. Failing the strength check discharges the contents with no effect. Must be reloaded after each injection, taking a full round action.
Seasoned livers from poisoned victims: add a fort save for poisons used.
Mutagen blood pudding: roll on your favorite mutation table. (I will make one eventually)
Boiled Razor Urchins: 1d4 Bleed effect.
Salt: That's pretty fucked, I'd say like a flat -2 to rolls due to the pain.
Perhaps an arrow/bolt version that only deals 1 CON damage on a failed save, but still adds the "seasoned" effect?

Psychic Boil Aura
Level 3 enchantment. Duration: Permanent  Range: 30ft radius. Causes the brain to cook in the head by use of psychic damage, causing wisdom damage for all those not chosen for protection by the caster. Deals 1d4 damage every hour, and must be centered on a foci dedicated to the Flavor Dimension. Brains of those who die from such an effect are, naturally, quiet a delicacy.


  1. If I were a rich oil baron I would give you patreon bucks.

  2. I think that you have done a very good thing here. I wish there was a crumb golem that could satisfy my hunger, like a hot dog golem, or like a apple pie golem, or even my favorite, the beef wellington crumb golem. YUM that would be some good eating.